so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
