i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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