So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize