I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
