i already hear my dad disowning me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Terrible idea I love it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
