Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
