Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
