i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
