I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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