The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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