So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
