My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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