So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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