Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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