i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
