sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
