I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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