I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
