Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
