Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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