Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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