Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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