he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
