she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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