Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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