More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
