My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
