Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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