At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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