he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
