You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
