And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
