i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's shark week go big or go home
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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