Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
