He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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