I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
