So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
