I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
