Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
