In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
