he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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