Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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