he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize