i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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