OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
