It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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