Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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