arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
