the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
