I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
