Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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