I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
