hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
