would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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