We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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