This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
