Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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