I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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