I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
