Kiss
Puke
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
