My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
