So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
