Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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