my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
