if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
