we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
