he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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