In the future we'll all be gay
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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