How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
