we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize