do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
