go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
