You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
