you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
