I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
