Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
