I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
