Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
