My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
