Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize