Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
