Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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