I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
