First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
