so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
