Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
