i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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