Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
