He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
