Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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